The Winter Blues

I have a newsflash, people: S. A. D. is real. (For those of you who don’t know, S. A. D. stands for Seasonal Affective Disorder, a mood disorder obviously named by scientists who thought they were hilarious.) And, more importantly, I think I have it.

I’m a Florida girl. I’ve lived in other places, sure, but when we get down to brass tacks I really enjoy the presence of sunshine in my life. Winters are pretty smooth sailing Down South, even in North Florida, where I’m from. January temperatures occasionally drop down into the teens at night, but usually warm up to sunny, bright, light-jacket weather in the afternoon. And by the time late February rolls around, cold weather is nothing more than a distant memory.

Pretty much this.

Well, folks, I live Up North now, where winter is a sadistic, soulless entity bent on crushing everyone’s hopes and dreams under an impenetrable layer of ice and snow. Darkness falls mere hours after the sun has risen (not that you’re likely to actually see the sun behind the dense grey clouds shrouding the world). Don’t even bother to look good: no one will be able to tell under the eighteen layers of clothing you’re wearing, and the snow will ruin those cute shoes. Ruin them dead.

I don’t understand why this white bullshit keeps falling from the sky.

I like the beginning of winter just fine. November’s still sort of autumnal, and December is full of holiday cheer and good will towards man. January? No. Just, no. The Winter Blues have officially set in, with an attendant host of fabulous and enjoyable symptoms.

1. The Sleeping.

Imma just sleep until April, okay?

God, the sleeping. Don’t get me wrong, I love sleeping. Nothing beats a great night of restful sleep. But in the depths of winter, I seem to wake up groggy and grumpy after like 12 hours of sleep, and then want nothing more than to get back in bed. Last year I lost weight because I was sleeping so much I started missing meals. But not that much weight, because….

2. The Eating.

Beast mode, activated.

Good Lord, it’s like my body thinks it can hibernate (see above) but forgot to bulk up first. Better late than never, I guess? Come January I want to consume everything in sight, on sight. And not even good stuff, either. I have no desire to brave the frigid outdoors for real food, so I usually wind up stuffing my face with like stale crackers I found in the back of the pantry, or unseasoned lentils right out of the pot, or a whole thing of candy beans. And I don’t even like candy beans.

3. The Sadness.

“Fight the sadness, Artax! Nooo!”

I cry at everything, these days. I cried at a fashion ad the other day because the models were so beautiful. I cried at a video of corgi puppies playing in the snow. I’m actually crying right now. Seriously, though, I wept throughout the entire second half of a comedic film, terrifying the husband half to death. He kept saying “Lyra, they’re happy. They’re HAPPY!” as though that made any kind of difference. Psssshh. At this point in January, ‘happiness’ is just a myth, like ‘unicorns,’ ‘summertime’ and ‘sunshine.’

Ah well, I’m sure by the time April rolls around I’ll be peachy keen. And by June, I’ll be miserable by how hot and humid it is. Can’t. Freakin.’ Wait.

Do you get the Winter Blues? What are your worst symptoms? How do you cope? Leave your thoughts in the comment section below!

6 Comments

  1. monica mulhern
    Reply

    This made me laugh out loud (is there an abbreviation for that?)

  2. Emmie Mears
    Reply

    This is brilliant.

  3. Shauna Granger
    Reply

    Awesome. People hate me right now because I’m in sunny SoCal and kind of hating life. I have SAD, but in reverse. Winter skipped us. Skipped. Us. I don’t want that weird polar vortex. I don’t want to dig my way through five feet of snow just to go to the grocery store that’s been picked clean. But I wanted some form of winter. We’ve had four or five fires now just this month. It is so hot and dry that the state is burning. Just some rain. A chance to wear the cute jackets and scarves and boots. Something. Meh. We’ll just sit here and sweat the winter away and not even realize it’s summer already. I’ll try to send you ten or fifteen degrees to balance us both out.

    • Lyra Selene
      Reply

      I can totally sympathize with your situation. Some years growing up in Florida we didn’t really get seasons at all, and it was just muggy and hot pretty much all year long. Even this year, in October when everyone was freaking out about PSLs and it was still 80 degrees in Boston, I was desperate for some chillier weather.

      But yeah, 15 degree to even us out would be much appreciated. 🙂

  4. michael manion
    Reply

    A friend in Philly has threatened to punch the first person who complains about heat this summer, I straight up told her that will be me.

Leave a Reply